sinned

there was this dog, started to come to our house yesterday, i assume it came in through the drain hole. then i tried to get close to it, but its eyes seemed empty n not willing to come closer. or worse, when i get close to it, it just growl at me. so i gave up n continue my things inside the house. thn my family got bak n feed the dog out of kindness. but it din really eat much though.

then this morning it was still behind the plants in my garden, thn evening it went out again. i tot it just went away, like some stray dogs. so i din quiet put it in my heart.

then after we had dinner outside n came bak an hour ago, we found it at the same spot again, behind the plants. hiding. thn my dad started to shoo it out of our house, coz we think tht it might carry some disease or kutu.

dad used a stick to threaten it so tht it would get scared n leave, but it started growling at us again. n resisted to move. so my dad jz beat it, n it started barking n squeaking allt he noise, it kinda look like some chiwawa, but its not. n when the dog started growling at us, spikey came out under the car and started barking n growling at the dog too. then after 1min of threatening, dad got tired n coz my sis kept screaming behind, dad got fired up n ask her to get in the house. i was oso irritated to all the screaming n barking n all, sumo i was sick n im half deaf, annoyed enuff rite? sumo spikey started attacking the dog, biting it n fighting. to not to let spikey get hurt, i jz ask my dad to spray water on the dog, coz i think dogs normally hate water. so my dad got a pipe n spray water at it, the idea worked, the dog got out within 2seconds. i was opening the gate, n saw him went out so i started to close the gate.

then i saw a car drove pass in front of my house making some banging noise, thn i thought i heard a squeak sound, i looked but there was ntg. so i tot it was coz by the bumper in fronta my house. then my mom beside me said, the dog got banged. i was stunned, n 60% not bliving her coz i checked the road moments ago. thn i moved to her place n looked, there, the dog lied in the middle of the road, motionless, not moving at all. n all i can do is.. stare at it.. i cannot digest the things i saw. really cannot. it was moving up n down minutes ago, n its lying there now? i was trying to cheat myself tht it would suddenly move n wake up n walk away. but no... after minutes, it just stayed there.. n it was the peak hour of cars passing, i saw it being ran over the wheels again.. i cannot describe how im feeling now.. i feel.. sorry, guilty, evil, dark, helpless, SINNED.

dad picked up the dog n buried it.. to avoid more cars to run over.

If.. and only if, i knew tht was going to happen, i'll just tell my dad to leave the dog to hide at the same spot. till it get bored n go away itself.

dog, im sorry. i am really really sorry. plz rest in peace.


guilt running all over me,
~ jess ~